When it comes to the world of dating, as a POC, dating outside of your race can sometimes be problematic. No matter how self-confident and comfortable with yourself you may be, there is that lingering question of race and whether you are someones type.
Being black and a woman the issues faced when dating tend to be fetishisation and hyper-sexualisation. Yes it’s okay if a guy is attracted to you, the harm comes from when he is only interested you because you are black and because you fulfill some fetish that he may have. If you ever hear the words “I’ve never been with a black girl before”, run for the hills, take cover, abort mission.
If potential dating partners are fetishing you or spouting hyper-sexual views about you this is damaging to you and other black women. It is suggesting that you are simply a fleeting sexual conquest, a box that can be ticked on a list of racial bingo – it devalues you. It fails to see you past the colour of your skin and to see the value that you have as a person. Black women are human too.
Black women are not here for your sexual exploration and neither are they here to satisfy your sexual curiosity. “You’re hot for a black girl”, is not a compliment it is not a form of flattery. When the stereotypes of the black girl with a banging ass are used and actually uttered as words, this is not a compliment it is not a form of flattery. These stereotypes stem from racist sexualisations of black women. It is degrading and derogatory, and if you do fall for it, you are allowing yourself to be used as another knotch in the bedpost.
Don’t allow yourself to be a fetish. People have fetishes for eating toenails, you don’t want to be in that same category, it’s weird. Don’t allow your pigmentation to define you. You’re black but there’s so much more to you than just your skin colour. Yes it is nice for a guy to be attracted to you, but is it simply because he is interested in you, or is he just seeing a fine black ass that he’d like to tap. Be weary girls. You are worth so much.